I would like to announce that I, JJmyster22, have finally got a life.
I realized that as much as I wasn't really part of any groups, it wasn't because they didn't like me or saw me as an outsider (alright, so that's actually still an option but whatever), it was because I wasn't doing anything to change that. When someone invited me to eat lunch with them, whether it was out of pity or because they were a nice person, I shouldn't have been so suspicious and self-pitiful. I should have accepted, thanked them, and hung out. I finally realized that if I want something from somebody else, I can't wait for them to offer it. I have to go after it myself. If I want friends, I can't just sit on the sidelines and wait for that magically fabulous person to walk up and insist that we hang out. I have to actively pursue a relationship, I have to talk and listen and hang out. I can't just sit in the corner wearing all black, I have to show people who I am and look for friends.
I did that.
While I haven't made any strong friendships yet, and I'm still just mostly friendly acquaintances, I've found a group to eat lunch with. I say hi to them in the halls. I give them humorous, suggestive looks during class. I compliment them. I laugh with them. I do stupid stuff to amuse them. I hang out. So while there's nobody that's really a significantly awesome friend at school, it's in the process of happening.
I've started hanging out with this guy from my history class. No, it's not a romantic relationship (stares down all of you hopeful idiots), it's just this awesome kid that's cool with hanging with me (I hope). So yeah, I have a friend that I can chill with.
As for actual romance,
that's still a work in progress. On the first day of school (or rather, the day we all registered as sophomores), there was this guy that really stood out. He was wearing pajamas and basically just looked perfect. I was immediately drawn to him. I have one class with him and what can I say? I've legitimately never talked to him besides saying "you're welcome" when I held open a door and "oatmeal's good when you cook it right." Plus, he has a girlfriend (okay, I actually don't know this for sure but I've seen him with her a lot so I'm guessing there's a 94% chance they're together). I literally just sit in class looking like an emo, homeless guy with boobs and stare at him while giggling creepily. I still have incredibly low self esteem. I still don't really know how to connect with people. So, I've given up on him. I mean, I don't even know the guy. He could be an absolute jerk. And, luckily, I logically know that there is plenty of time for me to find a guy worth my time. So yeah, no love life at the moment. And really, I'm okay with that.
Grades and stuff
Man, okay. You all remember last year? The depression, the suspension, the doctor, the mental hospital, the school. Just. Ugh. It sucked but I'm still going on strong. Hey I'm just throwing this out here because I'm not sure how many of you guys are actually going to read this whole thing, but if you did, then answer this question: What's your most life-changing thought? Whoever answers will get a point, a llama (if I haven't already given you one), and three favorites. My GPA keeps on rising and I've actually already got what I need to go to the college I want. I have all A's except a B in History (I really don't like my history teacher, and it's not even like it's just me. Everybody has a B or below in his class), I'm completing the English course I missed last year, and I'm taking on three honors/AP classes next year. So, while it's stressful, I'm managing. Thank God.
While I'm not really a sympathetic person or anything (I may seem like it, but really. I'm not), my story of depression and such is NOTHING. When I think about all the other people suffering SO MUCH MORE than I did/do, I'm really just this egotistical idiot filled with hypocrisy and bitterness. There are people who are dying, being abused constantly, getting shipped off to be raped, watching their family members die off, being bullied to the extreme, etc. . . And here I am whining because I had a bad relationship with my parents, didn't make an effort to find friends, thought the world was against me, and ended up cracking over some pressure that I myself took on purposefully and just happened to be sent to a mental hospital. So I've made a resolution (it's too long to wait for New Year's). My resolution is to start being a selfless person. I want to give something to the world. I want to help others. I want to watch out for other people than myself. I want to think about someone else for once in my life.
Religion, Politics, other stuff:
I'm a Christian and it's time I started acting like one. I hate it when people decide to just stereotype Christians because of some church that's hating on homosexuals. I hate it when people think that because one Christian was mean, the rest of us are. And I'm tired of being someone that doesn't speak up, isn't setting an example, and is basically just trying to flow with the crowd. I want to be a better person. I want to help others, be kind, show others that I'm a good person. I want to be the sort of person God wants me to be. Politics, I have nothing to say about the subject. I just threw it in there because I wanted to. Though I have to say, it's REALLY different being in public school, where it's one collective mindset and everyone's opinions come from their parents and Jesus is used as a joke. Other stuff? Everyone. GO WATCH 42. It's a fantastic, heartwarming, inspiring, all around wonderful movie and I think that you guys will really enjoy it (unless you're racist, then it might be a bit of an issue).
In the end,
this was a really, really long journal and I'm sorry you had to endure it (that is, if you actually read it)
TL;DR: I got a life, I'm going to be a better person. Praise God. Go watch 42. Oh. And high school still sucks.